crystal dining room light I'm Afraid and Terrified of Death and Funerals

Is it all fear in my head?First of all, let me say that I have some fear of death and attending the funeral.I shudder at the thought of attending a funeral for a friend or lover.The look of the people in the coffin scared me!!!!On January 1977, I attended my grandfather's first funeral.At the same time, the environment is also very dull and weird.I remember the family had to wait in line to see my grandfather's body;As I approached, my heart began to beat fast and my hands turned cold.My sister yelled at me because I pinched her hand hard and accidentally hurt her hand.The funeral seems to last forever, but only two hours of service.After the service, we all went to my grandmother's house.I can't sleep.I think I heard someone call my name.I was too scared to get up.The next morning, we went to the cemetery for a funeral.Unfortunately, we can't have a funeral because the ground is too cold.In 1980, three years later, my grandmother died.The same fear once again hung over my heart and spirit.It took me some time to recover from losing her.I lost my stepfather in 1983.I watched my mother grieve for losing her husband.In the weeks after his funeral, the funeral director brought the ashes of my stepfather to our house, and I put the containers in the bar in the restaurant.Later that evening, I went upstairs and drew some bath water.As I walked past the bedroom of my mom and stepfather, I saw this bright light coming out of their room like the sun.I ran into the bathroom and almost jumped into the hot tub.I told my mother about my experience;She just said with a smile, it was my stepfather who came to see me and I shouldn't be afraid.Losing him is not good for our whole family.I found myself dreaming that my stepfather came down from heaven and told us to do our best to take care of our mother and then he would disappear.I will wake up in tears!!!!!!I have suffered many other losses at home over the years.I lost my first husband and mother in 2006.When I lost my mother, I had a very bad dream and woke up screaming and crying again.When I looked at some of my husband's old stuff, the sound rang intermittently.I have to put his stuff away.I began to wonder if something was wrong with me?Is My Brain playing me?My mother often reminds me that I should not be afraid of death.I will say to her that I am not used to seeing my lover lying in a coffin.She will tell me that I should be afraid of the people who are alive because they will hurt you.Today, I still hear my mother's voice because she will remind me of the lessons of my life.I'm not as afraid of death and funeral as I used to be.I see it as a celebration of that person's life.Now I embrace every day.I know God has a plan for each of us.I cherish every moment I can with my loved ones because I don't know when it will come.